**this post is an archived post i wrote last year on the 'old' blog. Don't worry, I'm not breaking my promise to dig up bad memories. This has a purpose. Proverbs 31 ministry is hosting their annual "She Speaks" conference where aspiring authors can attend and study ways to lead ministry in their lives. Whether it's through writing, bible studies, speaking engagements, etc. Author Cecil Murphey has been generous enough to give a scholarship away through MaryBeth Whalen's blog - who i believe is the chair for the writer's track at the conference. Please visit her blog today if you have an interest in learning how to develop your own ministry and would like to enter the contest for the scholarship. Entries close THIS THURSDAY at midnight - Good luck!
That was a direct quote from my pastor, Bryan Fulwider, during a sermon last year. Don't you love it?
What he was saying, of course, is walk your faith talk.
Can you be OUT of peace? You can. Well, you can FEEL out of peace. I am. At this very moment, I am very much not in a state of peace, a state of grace or state of anything other than being.
I have been spending small moments in the morning and before bed praying for peace regarding my ex and my church situation. This morning, when it was just me and my coffee and my bible promise book - not one scripture regarding peace touched me. None of them felt 'strong' enough or 'powerful' enough to hold me upright for being around my ex in church this morning. They all felt small and meek. I didn't want anything small and meek. I wanted my grandfather and his hell, fire and brimstone sermons somehow justifying my righteous stance. Validation - where was my scripture on validation????
So, i then flipped pages under the heading "anger". Certainly I could find something there, right? I did. Unfortunately, they were all saying the same thing. Be slow to anger, quick to repent. WHAT??? I can't be just ANGRY without APOLOGIZING FOR IT? Well, that's not working for me today.
And then, when i decided that i should just hang it up this morning, my thumb stopped on this:
A new commandment I give unto you. That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. - John 13:34
That is going to be hard. But, I put my face in my hands and said God, if i can't get to "love" today, at least get me to "peace."
I closed my bible, swallowed one last sip of coffee and got in the shower and then went to church.
And then, as we were standing on the front steps talking to the pastor's wife, ready to walk in, He showed up with her and my kids. I mean, it's a big church, with more than one way into the sanctuary. He seriously showed up in perfect time with our arrival.
God, where is my peace? Can't you cut me SOME slack? So, in we go, them in front. They chose their pew and we walked past and sat 3 pews up. As i'm getting Nate settled into the pew, i feel Vance telling me to move down. THEY ARE SITTING WITH US? seriously? IS THIS ANOTHER TEST? I.cannot.do.this.
They call the kids up to the front for the lead in to Sunday school, and as I'm leading my son to class, the hymn starts.
"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows roll;Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul."
God has a wicked sense of humor.